Absolute Chaos
by Vorserkeien
Summary: Co-written by Lightning99109. What happens when the characters from Tomb Raider, LOTR, X-Men, the authors & more go on a quest to stop their archenemies getting their hands on a legendary crystal? Absolute chaos!
1. Intro

Absolute Chaos

By Vorserkeien & Lightning

Disclaimer: We own nothing to do with Tomb Raider or Lara Croft, Lord of the Rings (Vorserkeien is wishing deeply that she could own Legolas – sadly she can't), James Bond nor anything else in this fic.

Exception: Vorserkeien, Lightning and the 'Danny Inn' were created by us. Contact us first if you wish to use them.

Rating: PG

Summary: Non-existent!! Crossover of nearly everything we've seen at some time. Result? Absolute chaos and very little makes any sense at all. But definitely worth reading! Please R&R.

Note: Lightning is mad on horses; the 'Danny Inn' is named after her favourite pony, much to Vorserkeien's displeasure.

2nd Note: The writers are both English so ignore any spelling differences or spelling mistakes.

3rd Note: In this fic we follow the film of Tomb Raider because our PC version of the actual game keeps crashing. Also note that we've "magically" brought Powell back from the dead and goodness knows whom else!

4th Note (Sorry – then again maybe not! Hee hee!): This fic spends most of its time poking fun at all of the characters we've got in it (with the exceptions of Lara Croft and Legolas 'cause their the one's we like the most).

5th Note: The writers are probably insane.

A brief introduction 

****

You are now zooming in towards a quite large hotel (with bar, restaurant, gym, pool etc. so it's pretty much a 5 star hotel) just outside London. Inside you would usually find Lightning on the phone taking bookings and Vorserkeien either chucking darts at the notice board because it is easier than her walking into the bar to play on the actual dart board, or she would be on the phone, when Lightning is not, talking to Legolas Greenleaf and only succeeding in wasting money on these pointless phone calls.

Lightning has very long, light blonde hair with white streaks throughout and walnut coloured eyes.

Vorserkeien has light brown hair of medium length with one braid hanging just past her right ear. Her eyes are a green aqua.

Lightning, in her spare time, teams up with Lara Croft and joins her in whatever the Tomb Raider gets up to. Vorserkeien (are you sure you want to know? Oh well,) is a secret agent who should be working somewhere in outer space but spends more time working on Earth instead, and tries hinting (and fails I might add) to get Legolas to ask her out to somewhere else apart from the hotel.

Know enough? Well if you don't, bad luck, because now we're about to begin…


	2. Chain Bookings

Absolute Chaos

By Vorserkeien & Lightning 

Disclaimer: We own nothing to do with Tomb Raider or Lara Croft, Lord of the Rings, James Bond nor anything else in this fic.

Exception: Vorserkeien, Lightning and the 'Danny Inn' were created by us. Contact us first if you wish to use them.

Chain Bookings 

****

The sun had only just risen and it was scarcely 8 o'clock when the office phone rang. It rang several times before it was finally answered by Lightning. Strange sounds floated down the stairs and, although most guests had got used to this, it was still rather unnerving each time Vorserkeien began singing in the shower. The phone rang and was answered by Lightning,

"Hello, the Danny Inn…Excuse me, can you repeat that please? …Sorry? Excuse me for a moment."

She covered the mouthpiece with one hand before yelling up the stairs,

"SHUT UP!!"

She removed her hand and made another attempt at the conversation,

"Sorry about that. You were saying? …Let's see, you want a room for next Monday? That's OK. How many rooms do you want? …Just one? …That's fine. How long do you wish to stay for? …One week? …Yes, that's fine. Who may I put you down as? …Are you sure? …Very well then, one room next Monday wanted for one week for 007. All details correct? …Good. Thank you for calling. Have a safe journey here. We will enjoy having you. Goodbye."

As soon as she had put the phone down, she shouted up the stairs to Vorserkeien.  

"Ok, you can start singing again." 

"Too late," came the reply, " I'm out!"

A figure walked downstairs dressed in a pair of cut off jeans, revealing two slender legs, and a sleeveless top with a very low neckline.

"If you're thinking of working wearing that, think again."

"Excuse me?"

"You are not wearing that in this hotel. Can't you dress according to the regulations?"

Before Vorserkeien could answer, the phone rang. Glaring fiercely at her, Lightning answered it.

"Hello? …One moment please."

She handed over the phone with a look of annoyance before saying, "It's for you."

The other girl took the phone from her, "Hello? …Oh Legolas, hi…Here? …Midday? …Well I can't see why not. But Legolas, did you hear about that new restaurant…Yes I know ours is good but…Oh yes I agree entirely, still it was only a really, really small thought…Hinting? Me? Do you think I'd do that? …Well maybe…Yes, I'm quite happy with those plans…Yes indeed; I'll see you later then… Yep, bye then."

At this point, Lightning's finger had been resting on the switch that cancelled the call and as Vorserkeien finished her conversation she pushed it firmly.

"That was Legolas."

"So I figured."

"In short, he's coming here at Midday."

"I was afraid of that."

"Look, what the hell's the matter with you?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" 

"Nothing."

Vorserkeien gave a small snort, showing that she did not believe it, before announcing to Lightning's great irritation that she would be going shopping but she would be back before midday. Without giving Lightning a chance to react she left the hotel quickly.

As the door slammed, Lightning gave a small, short shriek of anger as the telephone rang again.

"Yes, what? …Oh sorry…No, I thought that someone who I didn't want to would ring back. I'm really, very sorry…Yes of course...When for? …Next Monday… Two rooms? … One week? … Who can I put you down as?  … Oh, are you sure? … Fine.  Mr. Goggles is it? … So let me see, that's £50 per night, so that's eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………. £700, thank you sir, I am useless at my tables.  Very well, I hope that you will have a safe journey here."    

Lightning put down the receiver. 'Strange.' She thought 'It is not unusual for two people to book on the same day but when they'll arrive on the same day and stay for the same amount of time...' She trailed off as the phone suddenly rang again.

"Hello, the Danny Inn. She is not here at the moment, can I take a message? … Oh, don't tell me, it's Legolas.  STOP RINGING ME UP!"  Slamming the phone down she walked across the room to the bookshelf.  Then she found a big address book.  Flicking through the pages, she found what she was looking for.  Picking up the phone, she dialled in some numbers and waited for a response.

"Hello, Vorsie, is that you? … TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND TO **_STOP_** RINGING UP THE HOTEL UNLESS IT IS A DIRE EMERGENCY.  IS THAT CLEAR? … GOOD!"

She slammed the phone down harder than she had intended, then walked into the exceedingly large kitchen.  

"Mr. Hazer? …Mr. Hazer? …Where are you?"

Then Lightning spotted a podgy face round one of the doors that lead to the parlours.  In a very small, squeaky voice the Head Chef answered her.

"I didn't know you were on the phone Miss Lightning.  When I heard you shout it shocked me, and the knife I was using shot out of my hand somehow.  It nearly hit one of the others.  The new one.  Poor lad, he probably fears me now.  Anyway, he went kind of loopy and we all ran to hide.  He ran into a different room though. Hold on."  Then he shouted as loud as he could round the door, "Come out now, all of you!"

Precisely 98 chefs came out from one of the parlours.  They all hurried to different parts of the kitchen and continued doing what they were originally doing.  Slowly another door opened and a final chef ran out to his place and continued to work.  

"Anyway, Miss Lightning, what did you wish to talk to me about?"

"I came to ask if you had the list for food we need."

"Asking a bit early this week, aren't you Miss Lightning?"

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Err…no."

"Fine. Will you have it ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Good."

The phone began ringing _again_. Lightning excused herself and hurried to answer it.

"Hello, the Danny Inn…You want 20 rooms for one week starting from next Monday? …No, we don't seem to have a problem with that. Do you want the rooms next to each other? …Yes, I will see to that. What name shall I put down? …Mr. North? …Sure, no problem, that will be, hold on a moment please, £7000…Of course. Have a safe journey here. Goodbye."

"Right. Now things are really becoming strange. One call, fine, 2 calls same day, same time, coincidental, but 3 calls for the same day and who stay for the same amount of time and who all call before 9 o'clock is just downright weird."

She left the room with the intention of greeting guests and finding something for breakfast. This idea, however, was short-lived.

The phone rang for a 6th time. Lightning groaned and hurried back to answer it, cursing Vorserkeien as she went.

"Hello, the Danny Inn…What now Vorsie? …Yes…No I can't come to pick you and Legolas up, firstly it's only 9 o'clock, secondly I'm needed here to answer these blasted phone calls because you're not here and thirdly I haven't had any breakfast yet…Well you should've thought of that _before_ you left…Of course the shops don't open 'til 9. Anyway I thought you weren't meeting up with Legolas until midday…You aren't asking for much, are you? …No I can't…Forget it, goodbye."

Lightning slammed the phone into its cradle forcefully and she left the room. She was determined to have something to eat without interruption.

Walking into the breakfast room, Lightning hurried to the self-service canteen and piled 2 pieces of toast, 1 big spoon of baked beans, scrambled egg and a small box of corn flakes onto her plate.  She walked over to a small, two person, table.  Opening her cereals she realized that she had forgotten to get a bowl and cutlery.  Once she had got these and a glass of orange juice, she finally settled down to the well-deserved breakfast.

Though peace did not last long.  Only a couple of minutes after she had started her breakfast the phone rang again.  Angrily Lightning got out of her seat.   She went to the nearest phone and picked it up.

"Hello, the Danny Inn.  How may I help you? …  WHAT DO I SOUND LIKE?  A BLOODY TAXI?  WHO IS IT? … Legolas, didn't Vorserkeien tell you? … Oh well, I will tell you myself. … NEVER RING ME UP UNLESS IT IS A DIRE EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GOODBYE."

She slammed the phone down and stormed back into the breakfast room to finish off her breakfast.

TBC…


	3. Monday

Disclaimer: We own nothing to do with Tomb Raider or Lara Croft, Lord of the Rings, James Bond nor anything else in this fic.

Exception: Vorserkeien, Lightning and the 'Danny Inn' were created by us. Contact us first if you wish to use them.

Monday 

"Vorsie, will you please put that phone down and come and assist me."

It was approaching 10 o'clock on what was going to be a very busy Monday.  Lightning went over the checklist.

"Let me see, done, done, done, done, done, done, do…"

 The first phone call of the day.  Lightning was glad that Susie would be coming soon.  Susie was one of the receptionists and came at 10 o'clock, where as the rest came at 11.  They all left at 5 pm.  Lightning picked up the phone.

"Hello, The Danny… Lara, what's the hurry?  No I haven't had a phone call off him… OK, when will you be here? … Fine. Bye." 

She put down the phone and headed for the stairs.

"Where are you going?" asked Vorserkeien.

"Lara phoned up.  She said that Mr. Powell and Mr. West are coming today with a load of troops.  She's coming here and might stay for the night.  I'm tidying up a room or her."

"Why can't she go home for the night?  Can Legolas come round if Lara is coming round?"  

"NO!  Lara is coming here for business, not for enjoyment. Now if you want to be useful you can help me."

Sulkily Vorserkeien followed Lightning upstairs.  

"Which level will she be on?" questioned Vorserkeien.

"Only the first."

"Thank goodness.  Knowing you, you would probably put her on the 7th or something."

"Was that comment really necessary?"

There was no answer.  Lightning opened the door of one of the rooms.  She got out a cleaning cloth from a box outside the door and chucked it at Vorserkeien.  Then she got one out for herself.

It took about 1 hour to get the room ready and by that time all the staff had arrived.  Vorserkeien hurried out of the hotel to go and meet Legolas and Lightning was just strolling down the stairs when she heard shouting,  

"YES, I WANTED 20 ROOMS...NO NOT JUST FOR ME.  THE OTHERS ARE COMING LATER…  JUST GIVE ME A KEY… THANK YOU!"

Lightning smiled.  Picking up her mobile, she typed in Lara's number.

"Lara, Mr._ 'North'_ is here… Come into the hotel if you are outside."

She walked slowly down the stairs.  With a bit of luck Alex West wouldn't recognise her, then she would have fun. Luck was with her.

"Hi.  Do you know where room 201 is…err, please?" asked Alex West

"Are you Mr. North?"

"Yup."

"This is England, not America, it is YES not YUP."

"Fine … YU…err YES.  Do I know you?"

"I think the question is do I know you?  Are you really Mr. North or are you Alex West, a tomb raider and you are here with 80 troops and Mr. Powell?"

"How on EARTH did you know that?  Two troops sleep on the floor in each room by the way."

"I figured that out."

"So how did you know that?"  Lightning saw Alex put his hand inside his jacket pocket.

"Ooooooooo, getting worried are we?  Let me give you a clue.  The last time I saw you was a couple of years back, while getting that mythical sea stone, but we have met before that.  Do you remember?"

Alex remembered.  He remembered being punched rather hardly in the stomach by a lady with light blonde hair with white streaks throughout.  He had also heard rumours that she had mutant friends.  Alex looked up to see that exact person smiling.  She was obviously enjoying herself.

"Why you…"he growled.  He sent out a flying punch, but to his surprise she wasn't affected.  It was like it had never touched her skin…

"Was that supposed to hurt me?" Lightning asked, "Your room is along the corridor on the 1st floor. Oh, by the way, you aren't supposed to have any weapons of any sort in the hotel, but I presume that as the rest are going to be armed with goodness knows what, I'm going to have to say that you're allowed them **but** they must be kept in your rooms and must not be brought into any other room in the hotel. Understood?"

Alex glared at her,

"I SAID IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?"

"Yup … err … yes."

"Good. Now move it!"

Lightning watched Alex run along the corridor and open the door to one of the rooms.  It was only when the door was closed when she burst out into laughter.  After she had finished laughing, she made her way downstairs.  Vorserkeien was home.  Lightning could tell that by the jacket that lay on the chair.  She picked it up and put it behind the desk.  That was when Lara walked in.

"So where is Mr. '_North'_ then?" she asked

"In his room.  I think he got a bit of a shock."

"Great, so where's my room?"

"Right next to his."

Lightning started walking up the stairs, closely followed by Lara.  They walked along the corridor and stopped at a door.

"Okay, I'll see you in a couple of minutes in the entrance hall." Said Lara, "and I might visit Mr. West!"

Lightning walked down the stairs.  Vorserkeien was at the bottom.

"Legolas IS coming tonight, he's here already," said Vorserkeien.

"Okay, fine, whatever.  I don't really care."

"I said there isn't a spare room, so I said he could sleep in my room."

"Really, that's very kind of you."

Without letting Vorserkeien answer, Lightning dismissed the receptionists and stood behind the desk.  After a couple of minutes Lara appeared at the bottom of the stairs.  She was wearing black shorts and t-shirt.

"Another person who doesn't dress to regulations." sighed Lightning

"Can't say you are any better.  Black shorts with a turquoise t-shirt.   Anyway it is really hot."

"Point taken." Replied Lightning.  Then she heard Vorserkeien calling from upstairs.

"Has anyone seen my jacket?"

"Down here," shouted Lightning, "Come and get it."

"Can't you bring it up here?"

"Come down and get it, lazy chops."

"No, bring it up here, you thunderous typhoon."

NO, come and get it Miss. _Oh I can't feel like going back up into space because Leggy isn't there so I will just have to stay on Earth until Leggy will come up with me._"

"NO, I can do better than that Miss. _Oh I am a Tomb Raider and I can control lightning and I don't want a boyfriend because Danny the Shetland pony is my boyfriend and he is ssssssssssssoooooooooooo fat and cute and he's never even tried to bite me but has bitten everyone else.  _Bet you can't beat that, Lighting!" retorted Vorserkeien.

"I bet I can and don't call me that! Miss. _I love Leggy ssssssssssssooooooooooooooooo much because he is sssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooo tall andssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooo…………………_

This argument went on for ages, and had attracted the whole hotel by the time it had finished.  Lara had got bored, grabbed the jacket and threw it up to Vorserkeien.

"There, does that end the argument?"

Lightning smiled at Lara "That wasn't an argument, we do it all the time!"

She laughed as she saw Lara's amazed face.

"Come on everyone, back to work now!" shouted Vorserkeien.  One by one, everyone parted, to leave the hotel quiet again.

"So, you do that all the time." Said Lara for the hundredth time.

"YES.  Now lets get back to reception.  You never know, maybe someone might be here."

By the time they arrived at reception, they noticed that there were suitcases on the reception desk.  Someone was here.

Susie was at the desk.  Before either of them could ask, Susie gave them the answer.

"Guy called 007.  Not Mr. Goggles, soz."

"Errrrrrrrrrrrr, ok.  Thanks Susie.  Lightning, how about a swim?" Asked Lara.

"But you know I hate wa…okay then." Lightning had caught the dangerous glare in Lara's eye.

When the two 'ladies' had reached the pool, they noticed Vorserkeien and Legolas in it.  They had obviously sneaked in the back way.  Lightning hoped that Vorserkeien wouldn't notice her.  She had had enough of being pushed into the pool. (AN: _they are still in normal clothes_.) 

They sat on the side of the pool and it was a couple of minutes before Lara spoke.

"YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT JAMES BOND WAS COMING HERE!" She shouted, "THIS COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING!  IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF HE JOINED THEM!  I MEAN WHO WOULD HE JOIN, A WHOLE GROUP OF FIGHTERS OR 2 GIRLS?"

"Errrrrrrrr…2 girls to tell you the truth.  Listen, he'll be on the same side of any woman who takes his fancy."

At this point they found themselves in the middle of the swimming pool. Lara spun round to see Alex West at the side, laughing. However, he was not laughing for much longer. Vorserkeien, who had been watching him, had scrambled out of the deep end and had neatly sent Alex into the water next to Lightning but he did not stay there for very long either.  Lightning had got a bit of lightning from her brain and had sent it to her hand.  From her hand she had sent it into the water, which flew across the water into Alex, giving him a very powerful electric shock.  This happened in about 1 second.  Alex hurried out onto the poolside, where he saw Vorserkeien tutting at him and saying "Now do you see why you shouldn't push people into the swimming pool without their knowledge?"

Just then to Lightning's further embarrassment, Susie came in announcing that 80 men and a man who called himself Mr. Goggles when he had booked, but that wasn't in fact his real name, had arrived. 

"Great. I think I could just about kill the person who said that 'things can only get better'." Said Lightning.

"You? You're not the person working for him. Honestly, how am I supposed to greet him when I'm completely soaked? Huh?"

"Well, that is you fault."

"No it's not. It's her fault for pushing me in." He jerked his head towards Vorserkeien.

"Yes, but it's your fault for pushing them in. If you hadn't done that then I wouldn't have pushed you in." was his slightly irritated reply from Vorserkeien.

"Oh shut up both of you…"

"You started it."

Lightning glared at Vorserkeien, before turning to Susie, "Susie, can you sort out their rooms and tell them I apologise for not being there? Tell them I was…There was a slight problem elsewhere which I had to sort out. Oh and also tell them that Mr West very kindly agreed to help me."

Susie nodded and left.

"Right. Vorsie, show Mr West back to his room via the back door. And just remember Alex that you owe me one."

He left with Vorserkeien and Legolas, who were whispering to each other and looked very much like they were planning some sort of sabotage. 

"Hmm, I think you've got your hands full with them."

"Thank you. That was a very helpful warning. But Lara, I've know that for a long time."

"Sorry. Shall we go and get changed? Because, I for one, don't fancy any of them knowing that West successfully pushed 2 Tomb Raiders into a swimming pool fully clothed."

Lightning agreed and the pair left to prepare for a very eventful Monday.

TBC…

More reviews = more updates (now where have we heard that before?)


	4. Evening

Disclaimer: We own nothing to do with Tomb Raider or Lara Croft, Lord of the Rings, James Bond, crummy Star Wars jokes nor anything else in this fic.

Exception: Vorserkeien, Lightning and the 'Danny Inn' were created by us. Contact us first if you wish to use them.

**The Evening**

****

     Lightning was surprised how smoothly everything went.  First of all there had been no mishaps with Mr. Powell and Mr. West, and second of all they seemed not to notice that Lara was at the same hotel as them.  But that was all to change at dinner.

     It was around 7pm when Mr. Powell and friends came into the dining hall.  

     "Table for … 83 please," asked Mr. West.

     "Sorry, the biggest table we have is for 8.  Can I split you all up?" Replied Lightning.  He nodded and Lightning spent the next half-hour finding places for them all to sit.

     After she had settled them all down, Lightning plonked herself down opposite Lara.

     "You look tired," grinned Lara.

    "You can grin, you haven't had to sit _that_ lot down.  You would have thought that people would have learnt that when I point at them, I mean them.  I mean, you know, basically, I mean that man over there stood there for like 20 minutes before he realized I was talking to him.  I felt like punching him really, REALLY hard!"  

    "I know what you mean, Lightning, but I mean, you wouldn't _really_ want to kill Mr. West, would you?

     "Actually, that _isn't _such a bad idea.  Thanks Lara!  Now, let's see, 5 revolvers, 2 pistols, 10 bows with 5000 arrows…"

     "Eeeeeerrrrrrrrr… Lighty? That wasn't supposed to be a serious comment!"

     While this interesting conversation was going on, Vorserkeien was having a lovely time flicking peas at Legolas.

     "Hey, hey!  Stop that!  Why don't we start chucking these at them?"  Asked Legolas, nodding towards Lightning and Lara.

    "What a good idea Leggy!  Bagsy me going first!"  Vorserkeien catapulted a pea using the edge of her spoon.  Unluckily, her target, Lightning, ducked at the last minute, and sent the pea into a customer's ear!

     "Oh, my gosh.  Are you all right?"  Asked Lightning. "Oh my, would you like a seat, here sit next to Lara, and I will get you a menu and a wine list.  Are you sure you are all right?  If you want I can call a doctor…"

    "Please madam, I am perfectly fine.  I will not need a wine list, a Dry Martini, shaken not stirred, please.  The names Bond, James Bond.  May I ask what your name is?"

    "Oh, eeeeerrrrrrr… Lightning.  Are you REALLY James Bond?  I mean, to tell you the truth, we may need your help… but I'll explain that later.  I will get your drink, Mr. Booond."    

    "The name is Bond, not Booond, and you may call me James."

     As Lightning left, James sat down opposite Lara.

     "Lighty is on cloud nine with you, you know that don't you?" Said Lara.

     "She is?  So, what do you want me to help you with?"

     "You see those men over there?  They all are after a precious gem.  We will explain more about that later.  In any case, if they take hold of it, it could do great damage to everyone on the Earth.  They have lots of men.  We have two.  Lightning has special powers.  She can do anything with lightning, control it if you wish.  She is also surrounded by invisible lightning, which protects her and gives the enemy a powerful electric shock.  She would probably be the power of 3 men, maybe more.  If we have you as well, we will have enough to succeed.  What do you say?"

     "Lets make a deal.  I help you if you help me.  I have to get some explosives from somewhere.  I could use your help."

     "Deal," but this was not Lara that said it.  It was Lightning.

     "You were quick," said James. 

     "It is a good job that I made your drink before you came to dinner," came the reply.

     "But how did you know what …" a shake from Lara's head told him not to continue.

     "I am so sorry, did I hurt you?  Oh, and by the way, Lighty, I will go with you on this adventure.  I'm off duty." It was Vorserkeien, who had come over to apologize and had started eavesdropping.

     "My friend, Vorserkeien, but you may call her Vorsie.  She is a secret agent that is supposed to be in outer space, but she can't feel like going back, by the way, she loves Legolas.  He's that guy over with the pointy ears."

     "What?  You mean I have to go on a mission with an elf, a mutant …"

     "WHAT DO MEAN, A _MUTANT?!_  I AM A MODERN HUMAN BEING, UNLIKE YOU LOT!"

     "Sorry, sorry.  I didn't mean that, well you know.  Well, lets get cracking.  Where do we start?"

     "We will show you later.  Vorsie, can you help me tidy some rooms.  It will save time." The reply was interesting reply.

     "Sure.  Come on Leggy, let's go and tidy some rooms!  Though we better have our ice creams first.  See ya later Lights-In-Tights!"  They ran off with Lightning's shouts ringing in their ears.

     "DON'T CALL ME LIGHTS!"

* * * * * * *

      Even later that evening, when Lightning was serving in the restaurant, Mr. Powell came up to James in the bar.

     "Ah, you must be Mr. Bond.  I have always wanted to meet you, how do you do?  I am Manfred Powell, and I need your help.  You see those people over there?" Said Mr Powell, flicking his hand lazily over towards Vorserkeien, Legolas and Lara, who were having a game of darts on the dartboard.

     "Yes, I do.  Isn't the manager here one of them as well?"  Answered James.

     "Yes, be careful of her.  She is very powerful, I heard, and has a very bad attitude sometimes.  I don't know how she can be Pisces!"  He then burst into fits of snorts, which James assumed to be his laughter.

     "Was that supposed to be funny, Mr. Powell?  By the way what do you want me for?  A special gem is it?"  The snorting stopped.

     "How do you know that?"  Mr. Powell snapped.

     "Never underestimate the power of the snort, err, the force!" Came the reply, through fits of laughter. "No, but truthfully, I am sorry, but I am busy with my own mission.  I would help you if I could, and if I have any spare time I will.  Goodbye."  And with that he walked away, towards the restaurant.  

    Mr. Powell walked angrily towards his table in the bar and plonked himself down.  Suddenly, there was a large sound of a fart coming from under his chair.  Lifting up the cushion, he saw a whoopee cushion underneath.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Vorserkeien, Legolas and Lara running towards the restaurant in heaps of laughter.

* * * * * * *

     "It was so funny!  He sat down and every one just stared at him!  You should have seen it, Lighty, it was so funny!  Every one was staring, it was just so …"

     "Yes, yes Vorsie, I am sure it was.  But please shut up.  You have been going on about it for the last half an hour.  We have more important things to do.  James, you mustn't be so light about the issue.  It is dangerous.  I mean I know that you know that, but don't …" Suddenly there was a loud bang.  Vorserkeien stood, looking very guiltily with the TV switch in her hand.

     "Vorsie, I told you that the TV had broken.  Now you have made it unfixable!" Shouted Lightning.

 "Any way, like I was saying, James don't try to do anything that will offend either Mr. Powell or Mr. West.  If you give anything else away, he won't try to help you, and he will try to kill you.  You will not survive that."  Said Lightning in a very serious voice.

     "We better be getting to sleep," Lara spoke from out of the blue, "We will be getting up early tomorrow."

     "Good idea," replied Legolas, "Come on Vorsie, let's go."  Slowly they all departed, all going off to separate rooms.  Lightning spoke to one of her many deputies, making sure that they all knew how to lock up.  After that, she left it in their hands.

* * * * * * *

     Late in the night, Vorserkeien came into Lightning's room.

     "Lighty, they are trying to steal something!  I heard a noise from downstairs," whispered Vorserkeien.

     "OK, hold on, I'll go down," answered Lightning.  Getting dressed, she silently slipped out into the corridor.

     Once she was gone, Vorserkeien called down the corridor.

     "Come on Leggy, hurry up, she will be back soon!"  Legolas rushed down the corridor and into Lightning's room, then leapt up onto the bed.

     "Finally, a place with a good TV!"  He yelled, "Yippee!"  He then got up, locked the door, placed a chair against it and jumped back onto the bed.

    "Shut up, she'll hear us!  Come on, give us the video," said Vorserkeien.  She then slipped in the video, turned on the TV and pressed the 'play' button.  

     About half an hour later, Lightning came upstairs, finding downstairs empty.  She heard sounds coming from her room.

     "Bam, bam!  I am Padmé, the great, and you are my hero, Buzz err… Anakin Skywalker," said Vorserkeien in such a high-pitched voice that Lightning had to cover her ears (the light bulb in the room itself had broke a little while ago).

     "Swing, swing! I am Anakin, the fabulous, brilliant, fantastic…"

     "Yeah, yeah, I get the idea 'Oh Fabulous One'!"

     "Brilliant, oh, hang on, I have already said that, now, lets see…"

     Meanwhile, Lightning had an idea.  She cut the power supply to the TV, before she called to Vorserkeien;

     "Vorsie, HQ has sent you an e-mail. [AN: see the intro for this one] You better go and see what it is."

     Vorserkeien and Legolas ran out of the room, downstairs to the computer.  Lightning chuckled and went inside.  She then picked up the phone.

     "Hi, is that Lara?  Do you want to come into my room to watch Star Wars?  Get James to come as well!"

     The two of them ran to the room and, once Lightning had got the spare TV out of the cupboard, began to watch it all over again, doing silly imitations just like Vorserkeien and Legolas had done earlier. 

     Much later in the night, Vorserkeien and Legolas came upstairs, realized that they had been tricked and slouched off to their room.    

TBC…

Vorserkeien: OMG, this is so damaging my reputation! So _please _R&R!!!


	5. Tuesday

**Disclaimer: We own nothing to do with Tomb Raider or Lara Croft, Lord of the Rings, James Bond, Star Wars, nor anything else in this fic.**

**Exception: Vorserkeien, Lightning and the 'Danny Inn' were created by us. **

Random question: Can you tell who wrote what?

Tuesday 

     Lightning woke up at 6:30 promptly.  Lara was awake and was sitting on the floor, eating sandwiches.

     "What are you doing?" Asked Lightning.

     "Eating," came the reply, "Care to join me?"

     "Why are you eating?  I know that we will miss breakfast, but can't you wait?"

     "But we will miss lunch as well, and 2nd Breakfast and elevensies as well…"

     "Lara, you are not, may I repeat, NOT, a Hobbit!" 

     "Ok, I was only joking!  I was trying to lighten up the atmosphere, I mean it is going to be a scary day; we have no idea what is going to happen.  Where are we going, by the way?"

     There was no reply.

      "Lighty, where are we going?" Asked Lara again.

     "Where is James?"

     "Down by pool, now…"

     "Iceland.  Though, why didn't Mr. Powell stay at his house, or nearer Iceland?  It is not a short route up there."

     "I can answer the first one.  He lives in Spain now.  Second one, no idea.  Soz"

     "Fine," replied Lightning.  She got dressed and ran down to the pool and saw James sitting on the side.  "How did you get in here?" She asked sternly.

     "Your assistant and her friend let me in the back way." He replied.

     "VORSIE!"

     "Hello," Vorserkeien had gone into hiding when she had heard Lightning calling.  Now she started talking in a hidden place, getting Lightning very angry.

     "Vorsie, STOP IT AND COME HERE OR I WILL CHUCK BOTH YOU AND LEGGY OUT OF THE HOTEL!" Screamed Lightning, hoping to get Vorserkeien out of her hiding place.

     "So?  I could stay at Leggy's place!"

     "Ok, NO BREAKFAST, NO LUNCH OR DINNER IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN!"

     "What!  No dinner?!  Ok, I'm coming down."

     With that Vorserkeien stood up.  She was on the highest diving board, wearing a black bikini.  Then she dived, her body completely vertical, slicing through the water easily.  

     "VORSIE!" Shouted Lightning, "You got me soaked!"

     "Sorry! I didn't know that you were that close!" Grinned Vorserkeien. 

     "Did too."

     "Did not."

     "Did too."

     "Did not."

     "Oh, would you just shut up and go and get changed. We leave in 1 hour."

* * *

     One hour, they were all in Lightning's Jaguar.  Actually, Vorserkeien, Legolas and Lightning were in the car.  

     "Where are you going James?" Asked Lightning,

     "Got to get to MI6.  I have to see M & Q.  New car, you see.  Meet you there."

     "How long will that one last?" whispered Vorserkeien to Lightning.

 With that Lightning started the car and drove off.

     "I'm squished!" Complained Vorserkeien, "Why couldn't we have taken the other car?"

     "Well, if you remember, I had to go and get it repaired when you decided to reconstruct the Peugeot advert!"  After that Vorserkeien kept her mouth closed.  It was not often that she had nothing to say.

     It was midday when Lightning's group met up with James Bond at the airport.

     "M said that we could take a private plane when I told her what I was doing with you."  James said, when they met up.

    "Oh, goody. Gadgets!" Vorserkeien grinned happily.

     Within the hour they were up in the air, and heading to Iceland.  They were all talking about various things, James to Lightning and Lara about his job at MI6, Vorserkeien was letting off jokes to Legolas and was trying to decide what mean things to do to Alex West and Mr. Powell when they got there.

     "Can I ask you a question Lighty?" asked Vorserkeien, "Why are we travelling to Iceland, there is one 5 miles away from the hotel?" 

     "Can I ask _you_ a question Vorsie? Why can't you just shut up?"

     "Ok."

Lightning was slightly puzzled at Vorserkeien's agreeable answer, but she chose to ignore it. Maybe Vorserkeien would fall asleep and give them all a bit of peace. No such luck.

     "Why are we doing this again, Light-bulb?"

     "Why are doing what? AND DON'T CALL ME LIGHT-BULB!"

     "Ok, _Lighting_."

     "LIGHTNING!"

     "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

The plane was silent until Vorsie realised that Lightning hadn't answered her question.

    "So why are we going to Iceland, Lights?"

    "So that you and Legolas can go souvenir hunting and the rest of us can stop Powell destroying the world. OK?"

   "Ok, Lighty. And Lighty?"

   "What?" She groaned.

   "I'm bored."

TBC…

Vorserkeien: I'm _still _ruining my rep. **REVIEW**!!!


	6. Iceland

Disclaimer: We own nothing to do with Tomb Raider/Lara Croft, James Bond, LOTR, X-Men (which now make an appearance) and anything else in this fic.

Exceptions: We own Vorserkeien, Lightning & the Danny Inn.

& a welcome to Rebel Mission who joins us:

Iceland 

     When they reached Iceland, the first thing they saw was a small village of tents.

     "Where are all of the souvenirs?" asked Vorserkeien.

     "Vorsie, I am not interested in that.  The first thing we have to do is to find the X-Men." Answered Lightning.

     "What, there are more mutants on this mission?! You didn't tell me that!" shouted James.

     "Hee, hee!  Stupid old Bondie didn't know that Cyclops was coming!" giggled Vorserkeien.

     "Oh, sorry, Vorsie, I forgot you fancied him!"  Lightning watched both Vorserkeien and Legolas' faces turn from happy to sad. 

     "She is lying, Leggy," Vorserkeien's usually pale face blushed scarlet, "I don't _really_ fancy him.  I was just trying to make James scared!"  Legolas' face brightened up after that statement.

     Lightning walked straight towards one of the larger tents, and was greeted by an elderly man in a wheelchair, struggling to get through the thick snow.  After that there came a brown haired man with red visors over his eyes.  

     "Meet Professor Xavier," said Lightning. "And Scott Summers, a.k.a. Cyclops."

     Close behind Cyclops came a pretty young woman named Phoenix or Dr. Jean Grey.  Even closer behind her came a moody-looking man named Wolverine, or Logan.  Rogue came next, two streaks of white hair with the rest brown.  Popping here and there next came a young, blue coloured boy named Nightcrawler, or Kurt Wagner.  Storm, a long white haired young lady came next, her real name being Ororo Munroe.

     "Hi, right, down to business…" Lightning began.

     "Lightning," said Lara. "Can you get blue-boy over there to stop popping about, it is getting me dizzy!"  Nightcrawler stopped straight away.

     "Let me take over, Lightning," said Xavier. "Anyway, I suggest that we leave to go to the temple in 3 days time.  That will give us enough time to catch up on things."

     "I totally agree," said James, "I want to know more about this mission before we do any more."

     "But where are we sleeping?" Whined Vorserkeien, "and what about souvenir shopping?"

     "Vorsie, that was only a joke!  You and Leggy aren't really going shopping.  And we are sleeping here in this village, that will keep us out of the way from Powell and Magneto."

     "Who is Magneto?" asked James.

     "He's this son of a b*tch who believes that mankind and Mutants cannot live together," answered Wolverine angrily. "And he's got this stupid old bat called Mystique who is blue and can transform into any old shape…"

     "Hey, that is my mum you're talking about!" shouted Nightcrawler.

     "And a cat-like one called Sabretooth," continued Lightning. "Oh, and I nearly forgot Froglegs…"

     "Toad," corrected Xavier. "He has toad like features."

     "Whatever."

     After a little while of discussing things, they all split up, each going into the tent to unpack their things.  Only Lightning and the X-Men stayed behind to talk. 

     "Lightning, I am worried.  It is just not right.  Why would Magneto want to help Powell when he hates humans?" Asked Xavier.

     Lightning shrugged.

    "Don't know, maybe he wants the crystal as much as Powell.  I am not worried, it will turn out alright in the end."

     "There is one thing," said Storm quietly. "You said this crystal had the power to let its possessor cause mass destruction and kill anyone that they want to." Everyone nodded.

     "Well," she continued. "Maybe he wants to get rid of mankind."

     Cyclops shook his head.

     "No, he doesn't want to do that.  The crystal isn't that powerful.  The only way he could do that is if he made a machine that could destroy the whole earth!"  There was no reply to this.

     "Stop fretting," said Rogue, trying to lighten things up. "He was probably offered lots of money and so did it.  That is what happens most of the times."

     "He would take money off humans?" Asked Lightning. "I thought he hated them."

     For the first time, Phoenix said something; "He will do lots of things for money.  Most people will.  Maybe he wants to try and see what he can do to make humans and mutants more peaceful."  Wolverine snorted loudly.

     "MORE PEACEFUL?  My arse.  I mean, what is likelihood of him doing that?  Like…" He stopped. "I can smell something," He muttered. "Someone is here."

     "Storm, blow them out of the bushes!" Shouted Cyclops.  Lightning couldn't help laughing, it sounded so stupid to her.

     But it came.  A wind so strong that everyone was blown off his or her feet.  All except Storm and Lightning, that is, because they could survive most weather conditions. 

      Sure enough, out of the bushes came five people.  When the wind finished, everyone saw Vorserkeien, Legolas, James, Lara and a black haired girl, who Lightning had never seen before.  All five were giggling.

      "_What_ are you doing? And _who_ is your friend?" Shouted Lightning angrily.

     "Oh_, her_," said Vorserkeien. 

     "Yes, _her_," Lightning yelled back.

     "She's our tour guide. Lightning meet Rebel Mission, Rebel Mission meet Light-bulb."

     "Hi. Light-bulb!" Giggled Rebel Mission.

     "If you call me Light-bulb again, I will fire you!" replied Lightning.

     "Ok, but like Vorsie said, I am your tour guide.  Licensed to kill, drive, tour, sing, dance err… Well, I am the best in the business to find you all the souvenir shops of your choice!" She said.

     Lightning looked at Vorserkeien harshly.

     "Souvenir shopping?  I thought I told you to get someone who was not here to find great souvenir shops!"   

     "Hey, leave her alone!" Said Rebel Mission.  "She didn't really ask for that, we just made it up to have a joke."

     The sky was getting dark by now, so James suggested that they should have dinner.  Lara made a microwavable lasagne, but when they all realized that they did not have a microwave, there arose a problem.  Eventually, Phoenix had to make one of her homemade soups, with Chinese chicken of course.   

     "Strange mix," murmured Wolverine.  The Chinese chicken was very nice, but the soup was not quite so nice.  Everyone commented of how nice it tasted, and then asked if they may go and eat it inside the tent, because it was warmer inside.  After they went inside, it got flushed down the toilet.  Even Cyclops could not bear it.  He tipped it onto the floor and pretended to look disappointed.

     "Oh, dear," he whined. "I am really sorry Jean."

     "Don't worry," Phoenix replied.  "There are lots left.  Help yourself to more."

     "Thanks," he replied.  Then, picking up his bowl, he made his way slowly over to the fire.  Halfway there, however, he _accidentally _tripped over, shattering the bowl into tiny pieces.  "Oh, bummer!"

     After dinner, none of them had any great want to stay awake, so the all went into their tents.

* * *

     First thing the next morning, just after dawn, loud music filled the air.  In one tent, the roof was bobbing up and down to the beat of the music.  Everyone woken knew whose tent it was.

     Inside, Vorserkeien, Legolas and Rogue were dancing.  They had obviously been up for a while, because they were fully dressed and the breakfast cereal was all over the floor.  But they wouldn't be dancing for much longer.

     Phoenix, using her powers, pressed the stop button on the player.  All three of them looked down at the CD Player with confusion.  Then Vorserkeien turned it on again.  Phoenix turned it off.  Vorserkeien turned it on.  Off, on, off, on, off, on.  This carried on for ages until Lara got up, went over to their tent and turned the music right down so that no one in any of the others in the other tents could hear it.

At a slightly better hour that morning, preparations for the journey began.

TBC…

Vorsie: Hmm, nothing to say for once, except that I'm still ruining my rep, so just R&R.


	7. Good vs Evil

Disclaimer: umm we own nothing from the matrix or anything else in this fic. 

Exceptions: We own (are): Vorserkeien, Lightning/-bulb, Rebel Mission, & Electricia Croft 

Good vs. Evil 

3 days later:

The group started packing.  Most were packing happily except Vorserkeien, Rogue, Rebel Mission and Legolas, who were complaining that they had been woken up too early.  Lightning rolled her eyes at them, and James laughed.  

     "You would have thought," said Lightning. "That after all of the days that they have got up early, listened to loud music and generally mucked around that they would have been ready for this!"

     "Well," replied James.  "I knew that they had drunk too much Vodka last night!"

     They both laughed, and packed the rest of their things.

     One hour later, everyone had packed, well, minus Vorserkeien, Rogue, Rebel Mission and Legolas, who were still complaining.  Lightning and Storm were talking about what they hoped the weather would be like.  They both agreed that they would make it sunny, but not enough to melt the snow.  Cyclops and Wolverine were arguing again about 'messing with my girl'.  Phoenix and Prof. X were standing to the side, in hysterics with what both of them were saying to each other.  Nightcrawler was trying to get attention off someone, then, when he realized that he wasn't getting any, he turned on the waterworks, before helping Rogue (who was the only one that felt sorry for him) pack her things.  Lara and James were practising shooting with each other's guns.

    Then the car came.  It was a black limousine (not stretched) and out of it came an old lady, followed by a man in a white coat.

    "007," said M. "006 is still alive."

    "I didn't think that he was still 006, I thought that he lost that name," muttered Lightning.

     "Shut up," shouted M. "He could be here in Iceland."

     "He must have come with a broken back," answered James.

     "Don't be so stupid," interrupted Legolas. "Orcs killed him.  As Boromir, I mean."

     "Errrrrrrrr, Leggy," whispered Vorserkeien. "Wrong movie!" 

     "Oh."

     "Well, anyway, keep a look out," continued M "And Q wants to know if you still have your car."  James glared at Nightcrawler, who was grinning sheepishly at him.

     "It's here somewhere," he answered, not mentioning the fact that Nightcrawler had teleported with it.

     "Well, it doesn't matter," said M. "Q designed a new one for you."

     "Yes, so I did, but I don't trust 007 with it.  The car will blow up even before he get within 10 metres of it!" Yelled Q.

     "Q, would he really do anything like that to your car?" asked Lightning innocently.  "I mean, is it really his fault that he is forever crashing it?"

     "Lightning, you're not helping." Muttered James through his teeth.

     "Right, 007, come with me," ordered Q. "Now this is a very special car.  It has all the normals, Q-Wedge, Q-Boost etc.  However, look at this."  He pressed a button in the car.  It flew up 2 metres. "I am very proud of this 007.  Along with its invisibility, this will make car nearly invincible!"

     "And he's worried about Bond crashing it?" whispered Vorserkeien to Lightning who smiled back.

     "Good luck 007, and, please, come back alive," shouted M from the car.  Then it drove off.

     "Well?" Asked Rebel Mission.  "Shall we go?"

* * *

     "Are we ready yet?" Yelled Magneto to Raven Darkholme, a.k.a. Mystique, as she dragged half a dozen huskies towards the sledges.

    "We will be when I get these dogs over to the sledges," she replied, trying to keep them under-control.

     "Fine, but we better be ready soon, the rest are nearly here.  Oh, and Mystique, when they come, change your form to human please, we don't to scare them at first sight!"

     Mystique rolled her eyes to Toad and Sabretooth, who were sitting down, doing nothing.

     "They'll be scared of _his_ face when they see it!" she mouthed to them.  Then one of the huskies tried to make a break.  Mystique fell, still holding onto the leads.  Sabretooth decided to help his friend, and, carefully, lifted all the dogs up and attached them to the sledges.  Mystique looked up.  Three helicopters flew overhead.  Quickly, she transformed herself into a pretty young woman.

     "That's what you think that you would look like if you weren't blue?" Asked Toad.  She didn't reply.

     The helicopters landed.  Out got all the men, including Alex West, Manfred Powell and 006.  

     "Are we ready yet?" Asked 006.  Then Mystique asked if she could turn blue again.  Everyone nodded but to tell the truth they weren't ready.  Alex West fainted, Mr. Powell went white and 006 looked like he had just seen a ghost.  Then Mystique said in a very quiet voice, "Boo".  The whole army ran away screaming.

     "Was it something I said?"  

     Then out of nowhere about 25 soldiers came running back, still screaming.

     "They must be running round in circles," muttered 006.  However behind them came a black panther with a person riding on it.  The panther stopped suddenly, and the woman fell off.

     "LARA!  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" yelled Alex, who had just woken up.

     "LARA?  LARA!  WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  I'M CALLED ELECTICIA CROFT, Lara's EVIL twin sister!" she shouted back.

     "Lara has a sister?" Asked Powell.

     "Seems like it," Alex replied.  Then they all introduced each other to everyone.  There was one problem that arose.  They had lost a lot of men.  

     "I doubt that they have anymore than us," Electicia said. "They probably only have some of the X-Men and a couple of others.  We will outnumber them easily."  They all hoped that at any rate.

* * *

     Meanwhile, the other side were steadily making their way to the temple.  They had decided to take the X-Jet as they all fitted into it better than James' Aston-Martin.  

     After a while, they stopped at what looked like a village.  There were a number of tents there like most villages and they decided to stop there so they could take a break.

     In that very village, 006 watched calmly as everyone got out.  He smiled.  Electicia had been right.  They outnumbered them easily.  Mystique walked up to his side.

     "Go and greet them," he ordered her.  By now he had got used to her blue skin.  She nodded and transformed into her pretty young lady, but this time with warmer clothes on, so that it would not look strange. "Bring them back here," he added.

     "Something's wrong," said James. "There should be more people here." He glanced at Lightning.  She wasn't bothered.  She looked at him with a face of 'Don't-worry-about-anything-until-it-comes'.

     "Is this a good place to buy souvenirs?" Asked Vorserkeien excitedly.

     "Hmm, I personally prefer the next village, but this was a good'un before it was abandoned," commented Rebel Mission.  She was looked at by all. "What?" she asked.

     "That doesn't look abandoned," said Cyclops. 

     "Look at all of those cars," added Storm.

     "And those People," said Lara.

     "Someone's coming," muttered Wolverine, signalling towards Mystique, who had come out to 'greet' them.

     "Welcome," said Mystique, with a friendly smile.

     "Hello, we have come here to take a break.  We are travelling to the other side of Iceland." Prof. Xavier told her.  Wolverine tapped his shoulder.

     "That's Mystique," he whispered.  Prof. Xavier paused.

     "Lets see what she wants," he said finally.  Everyone agreed. 

     "Would you like to come with me?" Asked Mystique.  They all followed her into the village.  Rebel Mission skipped happily alongside Mystique.

     "So," she asked. "What do you work as?"

     "A tour guide," answered Mystique.  

     "WOW, THAT'S WHAT I WORK AS!" Yelled Rebel Mission excitedly.  "What is your name?"

     "Err, Kelly-Ann," murmured Mystique. 

     "When did this village get populated again?"  

     "Half year ago.  They found a diamond mine underneath the surface," said Mystique hopefully.  Rebel Mission wasn't listening properly so just nodded.

     "You know," said Mystique.  "Don't you think it must be really cool to be able to change your shape whenever you feel like it?"

     "What, like, as a mutation?" Asked Rebel Mission, wide-eyed.

     "Yeah."

     "It would be great!  I always wanted things like that!" Grinned Rebel Mission.

     "You think so?" Asked Mystique in shock.  She wasn't expecting an answer like that.

     "YEAH, I could sneak up on everyone, and go into places I shouldn't!  You know, like the men's dressing room!  Oh, by the way, call me Rebs.  My real name is Rebel Mission, but that's so long to pronounce. R-E-B-E-L M-I-S-S-I-O-N.  I mean, its like someone being called Supercalafigerlistspagettialagoshus!"

     "Err, that's not how you say it," said Mystique in a quiet voice. "You say it Supercowafriterlistexpesstaligo..., hang on, no that's not right, Surercowsfres..., no, not that..."

     "Seems that Rebs has found a friend," muttered Wolverine.

     "Not for long," whispered Cyclops.  Phoenix smiled.  That was the first nice thing hey had ever said each other today.  Well, the _kind of nice_ thing they had said.

     "Here they come," murmured Alex.  He turned the other way, and saw another helicopter coming into land.  Out of it came a middle-aged man and a young black haired woman.

     "Ah, William Stryker," greeted Mr. Powell. "And who is this?" He nodded towards the young lady who was making her fingers click like she had metal in them.

     "This is Yuriko Oyoma, or as some call her, Lady Deathstrike.  Mr. Powell, thank you for inviting me here today." replied Stryker.

     "Welcome to our village," said Mystique.

     "Are there good souvenir shops here?" Asked Vorserkeien excitedly.

     "I'm afraid that we haven't managed to get the business going yet, but once we do, I'll let you know," said Mystique hurriedly.  They all walked into the village, watching the guards sitting around fires, still in shock from Mystique's first appearance.

     "I think that we have got ourselves into a whole load of trouble," said Prof. X.  All of them agreed.

     "Welcome!" Greeted Powell. "It is nice to see you all!"  Lara made a lot of coughing noises, which, in between came sarcastic comments like 'My arse' and things that we are afraid we cannot put in this fic.

     "Anyway, LIKE I WAS SAYING," he yelled at Lara and waited for the coughing to stop. "Thank you.  Nice to see you all.  As I can see, you are here to find the legendary _Jasmine's_ _Crystal_."

     "JASMINE'S CRYSTAL!  WHAT A SOPPY NAME!" Yelled James.

     "That's what I thought," agreed Lightning. "I think it must have been translated wrongly!"

     "Excuse me, have you finished?" Asked Powell politely. "I am trying to sound like an evil tyrant here AND EVIL TYRANTS DO NOT GET INTERRUPTED!"

     "They do!" yelled Vorserkeien.

     "They don't!" Powell yelled back.

     "Do!"

     "Don't!"

     "Do..."

     "SHUT UP!" Cried Rogue.  They both shut up. "Thank you," she finished.

     "Well, anyway," continued Powell. "If you would like to stay here and help us find the crystal, that will be fine with us, but if not then..."

     "US, GO WITH YOU?  WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?  THERE IS NO WAY THAT WE ARE GOING TO HELP YOU..." Yelled Prof X.  He then blurted out a load of swear words that again we cannot put down.  When he finished, he saw everyone looking at him.

     "Sorry," he said quietly.

     "Wow," said Wolverine in a very low voice. "Like, when did the professor know how to swear?"  There was no answer.

     "You don't want to join us? Very well then.  Everyone, come over here!" Yelled Powell.  All the people on his side walked up next to him.

     "Wow, what a lot of men you have," muttered Lightning sarcastically. "What happened?  Did something scare them?"

     "Well, at least we have more than you," said Powell, thinking that it was a good comeback line. Lightning grinned at Storm.  Storm smiled, and both of their eyes turned pearly-white.  The sky suddenly darkened and a storm began.  Lightning sent a large lightning bolt down in the middle of Powell's group while Storm sent smaller ones round the edge.  At the end, Powell had half of his remaining army.

     "Oh," he said. "Well, anyway, meet Alex West, my main Tomb Raider and a person I rely on a lot."  Lightning and Lara started choking again, while muttering '_if he stays alive for long_' under their voices.

     "And this is Magneto who I think we all know who he is and his people, Mystique …"

     "I think we know who they all are thanks," said Wolverine.

     "Ah, Wolverine, how are you," greeted Stryker.

     "Goodie, fun!" giggled Nightcrawler, sitting on his tail.

     "DON'T DO THAT!" yelled Vorserkeien. "IT FREAKS ME OUT!"

     "Well, your ears freak me out, so you can talk!" Answered Nightcrawler.  Both Vorserkeien and Legolas turned a shade of purple.  Meanwhile, everyone else had managed to keep Wolverine and Stryker apart, telling both of them that they could kill each other later.

     "Anyway, I would all like you to meet Sauron, no, not that sir?  Saruman, no, sorry, Elrond.  Oh Agent Smith, its all the same to me."

     "Elrond, what are you doing in that black suit?" Asked Legolas.  Lightning buried her head in her hands.

     "Stop confusing your movies, Leggy," whispered Vorserkeien. "We're on the Matrix at the moment."

     "Oh, sorry."

     "And also, meet Cypher, his friend." Lightning and Vorserkeien started choking _again_, [A.N. It will stop sometime soon, the choking.] this time muttering things like _friend, yeah right._

     "STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!" Yelled Powell. "NEXT PERSON TO DO THAT WILL DIE!"  James snorted.  _He_ then started choking with comments like _if you can shoot straight _and_ bad guys can't shoot_.

     "Anyway," continued Powell, "may I proudly present (drum-roll) 006!"  James rolled his eyes.  Secretly he hoped he would have more missions like this.

     Suddenly, the phone in Vorserkeien's pocket started ringing.  She took it out and put it on the floor.  Everyone, except Vorserkeien and Lightning, watched with wide eyes as three people emerged from it.  After that another two people came.  All wore black, minus one, who wore white.  

     "Oh, sh*t," muttered Agent Smith.  One of the men then spoke.

     "Surprised to see me Agent Smith?" 

     "Mr. Anderson, that is _my_ line, and _my _line only."

     "My name is _Neo_."  The woman in black walked over to Lightning.

     "We heard rumours that Agent Smith had managed to get his own body, so we came straight away," she muttered.

     "So, that one's _The One_, is he, Trinity?" Asked Lightning.

     "Yes, he's wonderful."  Vorserkeien walked up to them.

     "Oooh, you're in love, Trinny!" she giggled.  Trinity sighed.

     "Well, I'm supposed to be at any rate," she said smiling.  In the meantime, Agent Smith was trying to drag Cypher away from Morpheus and Switch and Mouse were trying to drag Morpheus away.

     "Is all we do here is fight?" Asked Lara.

     "Like you're any better," said Cyclops.

     "Right, time to explain everything," said Lightning, now that Morpheus and Cypher were separated.

     "What we are in now is not the Matrix, believe it or not," she said.  "We are actually in a real world.  The Matrix is an exact copy of that world.  When we get unplugged, which most of the world is now, thanks to me and Vorsie," Lightning added, smiling at Vorsie. "Anyway, when we get unplugged and when we go back to the Matrix, we actually travel to this world, the real world, but, because the Matrix is an exact copy, we see all the people in the Matrix.  Do you get me?"

     "What is the Mathematical equation for this?" Asked Alex stupidly.

     "Alex, with the size of your brain, you wouldn't understand it anyway," replied Lara.  Agent Smith was obviously getting tired.

     "Can we kill them yet?" he asked.

     "Have a go," muttered Lightning.  Agent Smith didn't look too pleased to see her.

     "If you think you can beat me," he said. "Have a go."  And Lightning did.  It was very easy really.  One lightning bolt = one electrocuted man lying on the ground.

     "Come on," said Morpheus, "Lets go."  Then something got in his way.  A black panther.

     "Stay there Snowy," said a voice from behind him. It was Electricia.  

     "You little …" said Lara angrily but they were surrounded by the remainder of Powell's army, with no way out.

     "Lara, I hoped that I would see you again soon," said Electricia. "How's Daddy, oh, I forgot, he's dead.  I knew he wouldn't last for long."

     "I see, and who's the moggy?" asked Rebs.

     "HOW DARE YOU CALL HER A MOGGY, THAT'S SNOWY, _MY BLACK PANTHER_!"  Yelled Electricia angrily.  She turned, but didn't get any further, as ice crawled up her legs and up her body.  And she wasn't the only one.  Everyone in Powell's army was having the same problem.

     "What's happening?" asked Phoenix.  Rogue answered in one word.

     "Bobby."  At that moment, two boys came in.  One had blonde hair and blue eyes.  The other had brown hair and eyes and was holding a cigarette lighter.

     "Bobby," screamed Rogue, running up to him. "You're here."

     "Well, well, our little Iceman's back," said Lightning, walking up to him. "Where have you been?"

     "Shouldn't we be asking you that question?" asked the other boy.

     "John," said Prof. X. "You're back."

     "Looks like it," said Cyclops. "Pyro, why didn't you go with Magneto?"

     "Couldn't feel like it," answered Pyro. "But I heard about what they were planning to do so I went to the X-Mansion, found Iceman and we left to go to Iceland."

     "Come to think of it, how do you lot know each other?" asked Neo to Vorsie and Lightning.

     "With Trinity and Morpheus?" Asked Lightning. "Well, we work with them, Morpheus unplugged us when we were about four years old, so we grew up with him.  Well, not true, Vorsie grew up with Legolas in Mirkwood and I grew up at the X-Mansion.  But mutants seem to have a way to get into the Matrix without using telephones, so I pop back there whenever I feel like it or Vorsie calls me when she wants to go back." 

     "Let's go," said Pyro. "So I can unfreeze them."  They all left to continue on their journey.

T.B.C… 

Vorsie: oookay, don't ask about all the matrix stuff. I had _nothing_ to do with it!

R&R


	8. The Journey Continues

Vorsie: Umm, Endlaithwen, you make an appearance as wished, but I'm just glad you've already lost your rep, or if you didn't lose it in all your 'Truths or Dares' you will have by the end of this chapter. I have a feeling that Lightbulb _really_ enjoyed writing certain parts of this chapter. 

Lightning: You little…

Vorsie: EEEK! Here's the next instalment. HEEEEELP! *sound of scuffle*

The Journey Continues (eventfully) 

     After Pyro had unfroze all of Powell's army by melting the snow with fire, the group left to continue on their journey.  The weather was pleasant, but all of them were silent.  They were worried.  Their enemies had many more people than them.  They also knew exactly where they were.  Only Neo, Lightning, Lara and James were confident that they wouldn't have any more problems with them on the way there. (Technically Vorsie and Rebs were also confident but mainly because they hadn't a clue what was going on).

     "Think about it," said Lightning. "They wish they could kill us now, but they know that they will probably need our help at the temple, so we shouldn't have any more problems with them, 'til then."  Neo nodded.

     "Besides," he said. "Have you known bad guys _ever_ winning in a story?"  

     "Yes," "No," said Lara and Phoenix at the same time. 

     "But some of the good guys do die." Phoenix continued.

     "Yeah, like Neo did," muttered Trinity absently. 

     "TRINNY, YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" Yelled Vorsie.

     "You're not much better, Trinity." Retorted Neo.

     "SHUT UP!!!" 

* * *

     Back at Powell's camp, everyone was trying to get back to normal.  That was until a young lady wrapped up in a big furry jacket came in.  Everyone watched her carefully as she took off her jacket.  Underneath it was a long-sleeved top with a man on it.  Suddenly everyone looked at Agent Smith.

     "Wait a minute, that's me on your top," he said slowly. "You like me?"

     "Do I like you?  I LLOOOOVVVVEEE you.  You are just ssssssssssoooooooooooooo cute!" the young lady said with a sigh.

     "What is your name?" he asked cautiously.

     "Endlaithwen," said the lady.

     "Ed … what?" repeated Agent Smith.

     "Endlaithwen," said Endlaithwen eagerly. "Soooo," she continued as she moved steadily closer to him, "You're not married or anything like that, are you?" She looked pleadingly at him.

    "Umm, no, 'least I don't think so."

    "YIPPEEEE!!!" Endlaithwen yelled, before she promptly dragged Smith into the nearest clump of bushes, about 100 metres away.

The rest of Powell's camp stared after them wide eyed before Electricia gave an evil cackle and said,

   "Well, I guess we won't be seeing them again any time soon! Can we leave now?"

     "Hadn't we better wait for those two?" asked Alex.  He then heard some rather happy giggling from the bushes. "Maaaaaaybe not," he added.  At that moment Endlaithwen and Smith came out of the bushes, the latter looking very tousled.

     "Is there anything else we can call you apart from Edlaithwen," asked Powell. Smith looked angrily at him.

     "Her name is _End_laithwen," he yelled at Powell.

     "Yes, my name is Endlaithwen, but you can call me Endy. If you don't like that you can call me Wenny." Said Endlaithwen.

     "What about Laithy or…?" Cypher asked sarcastically.

     "Only Smithy can call me that," interrupted Endlaithwen.  Powell chose 'Wenny' as a nickname.  He said it sounded more like a real name than any of the others. 

     "Can we _please_ go now?" begged Electricia.

"_Of course,_" said Magneto.

"Really?" asked Electricia.

"No,"

"But you've gotta let us go! You don't what its like to be considered a freak! Well, maybe you do, but that's why we've gotta stick together! You've gotta let us go, please, please!"

"Okay, but we've got to move quickly."

"Yippee! Oh, this is going to be fun! We can stay up late, swapping manly stories and in the morning … I'm making waffles!"

The rest of the group watched, confused.  That was until Powell stopped them.

"Stop acting like babies!" he shouted. "Lets go."

* * *

The _heroes_ of this story were meanwhile roasting marshmallows on an open fire while trying to stop Iceman from putting it out (It was night time).

"It's ruining the ice!" he shouted. "No one is ever grateful of what ice does!  It makes your drinks cold for starters!"

"Yes," muttered Wolverine. "And your toes as well." 

"Not its fault!" yelled Iceman. "YOU should have put on warmer boots!" A sudden bang from behind him meant that Pyro hadn't known about his secret supply of fireworks he was planning to let off this evening.

"Wow," said Pyro. "Powerful fireworks. You know, I feel rather dizzy.  Maybe I should go to bed." Lara nodded with relief.

"Yes," she said. "And next time you try going into someone's bag to get something, don't!"  

After they had all had a good nights sleep, they were on their way again.  James reckoned that they were about 2 days away from the temple.  Lara, Lightning and Storm thought otherwise.

"3 days," said Lightning. James shook his head.

"No," he said. "2 days. Why do you think that?"

"Weather's going to be bad," answered Storm.

"I thought that you two were going to make it nice weather?"

"Well," muttered Lightning. "We do, but normally we can't feel bothered." 

Lara smiled.

"That, and we need to slow Powell and co. down as much as possible." Storm continued.

"How did you find out that the weather's going to bad?" asked James.

"Lights and Storm felt it in the air and I watched the TV forecast," said Lara. "Icelandic forecasts are never wrong you know!"

"Well, I have a timometer, or some name like that," said James proudly. "Q made it. A new addition to my watch.  It tells you the distance to your destination and how long it will take."

"Bet you 50 quid that Nightcrawler broke it," said Vorsie cheekily. Everyone looked at Nightcrawler.  He grinned innocently.

"What?" he asked. "I was bored!" James took out his wallet. Vorsie grinned as she held the bank notes in her hand.

"Leggy, Leggy!" she shouted. "We've got enough money for that new space ship you wanted! When we get back to London lets go to that really nice big restaurant to celebrate!"

"Yeah, great, whatever," said Legolas, not really listening.

"You're paying of course," said Vorsie, making the most of the situation. 

"Good, great to hear," mumbled Legolas, his head even further into the _Daily Elf_.

" Leggy, I'm pregnant!" said Vorsie. Rebs bit her tongue to stop herself giggling.

"That's nice, lovely …What?!" said Legolas, shocked.

"Just kidding!" she said. "Now, get back to your paper."

"Arwen's got more points on her license," Legolas read. "Speeding again. New car. _Saruman Elfie.  The drive of your life._ By the time she's finished it'll be the drive to her death!" He chuckled at his own joke.

"That wasn't funny," said Pyro. Phoenix gave him a bash on his head. "Ow."

"Morphie, what were you telling us before we got interrupted?" said Rebs, trying to be sensible.

"I think Agent Smith has got an admirer," said Morpheus. "I saw her as we left, she had him printed on her t-shirt."

"Who on earth would love him?!" said Trinity. Everyone agreed.

"That's not the point, I think we've got another enemy," said Neo.

"Or on the other hand she could just be tagging along," said Cyclops. Everyone looked at him.

"Why do you think that?" asked Prof. X.

"Jean told me!" came the answer. Everyone looked at Phoenix. 

"What? It's possible…"

"I'd hate to break up this little 'discussion'," Lara interrupted, "But at this rate it'll take us 30 days instead of 3 to reach the temple." 

Lightning took charge. "She's right. We'll need an early start tomorrow, so we'd all better get some shut-eye. Where's Vorsie?" 

"More importantly, where's our tour guide?" Asked James.

Lightning took a deep breath. "Ok, who else are we missing?"

"More importantly, where've they gone?"

"Will you quit 'More Importantly'-ing me!"

Neo grinned, "Try saying that with a mouth full of mushrooms."

"What? Oh please, I'm trying to think what to do!"

Lara reported back from her tour of the camp, "Nightcrawler, Pyro, Iceman and Rogue've vanished." 

Lightning groaned, "Great, just great."

The remainder of the group then spent the next half hour searching frantically in the area surrounding the camp. It was only when Lightning stood in the middle of the camp and yelled out,

"VORSERKEIEN!!" that she actually got results.

"D'ya mind? We're trying to get to sleep here! But you lot've been keepin' us awake for the last half…" 

Vorsie never got any further. Lightning cut her off by yelling to the group to return to camp.

"They're here!! I've found them!!"

"HEY! Put a sock in it, ya great thunderstorm!"

Lightning turned in time to see an irate Nightcrawler re-zip up his tent flap. Lara hurried across the camp to Lightning.

"Where were they?"

Lightning turned to her, looking a little annoyed, "Lara, did you search the tents?"

"The tents? No, why?" Then she caught on, "Oh…"

Lightning nodded.

"But, they…I…they never go to bed so early!"

"Well, they did."

Vorsie emerged from one of the tents wearing a very thick dressing gown,

"Well, you told us to get some shut-eye, so we did."

Wolverine, who'd just arrived back in time to hear the conversation between Lara and Lightning, gave a small snort of laughter,

"She's right."

Lightning glared at him, "Shut up. Vorsie, you didn't bring that gown with you all the way from England, did you?"

Vorsie nodded, "Yep."

"Vorsie, I thought I told you to take it out of your suitcase? It was far to heavy!"

Vorsie looked pensively at Lightning before saying, "Maybe, but it's ever so warm! Night!"

And with that she vanished back into her tent. A faint click told Lightning why Vorsie had packed a padlock. No one had any chance of getting into her tent now.

"So what do we do now?" Someone asked. 

"We go to bed." 

Lightning turned and strode off angrily.

T.B.C…

Vorsie: Safe at last.

Lightning: VORSERKEIEN!!

Vorsie: *runs off* Lighty it was a joke. Review pleeeeaassee!!


	9. The Temple

Disclaimers: the usual. We own nothing minus Vorsie, Lightbulb, Rebs, Electricia and 'Wenny'.

The Temple

      "You guys don't talk much, do you?" said Wenny, as she stumbled along after the rest of the group.

     "I'm sorry Laithy, what do you want to talk about?" asked Smith.

     "Tell me about your enemies again," answered Wenny.  The rest of the group groaned.

     "OK, well, first of all there's Neo. He's my archenemy.  Then there's Trinity and Morpheus with him. The English lot, the albino one is Lightning, she and Alex West hate each other.  Vorserkeien, well, she's a bit of a dreamer and doesn't have a clue about what's going on at the moment. Lara Croft, that's Electricia's sister, is a Tomb Raider. She and Lightning lead the other side. Lets see now … ah! The X-Men, they're a bunch of mutants, who …" By the time he had finished all of the others were nearly asleep.

     "Oh, Smithy, you make it sound so exciting," smiled Wenny.

 * * *

     Meanwhile, Lara and co. were searching round the outside of the temple.

     "It's going to be a trap door," said Lara.

     "We may have missed the entrance," answered Lightning hopefully.

     "It's a trap door," repeated Lara.

     "Sugar," muttered Lightning.

     "Why are trap doors so bad?" asked Vorsie.

     "Vorsie, look at the ground," said Lightning slowly. Vorsie looked down at the floor. "What do you see?" continued Lightning.

     "Fur cones," said Vorsie. "But Lighty, I don't unders …"

     "Apart from fur cones," said Lightning, slightly annoyed now.

     "Sticks," said Vorsie, now very confused.  Lightning put her face in her hands.

     "Apart from sticks," said Lightning.

     "Fur cones, I've already told you th …"

     "Fine, apart from fur cones, sticks and anything on that dratted floor!"

     "Nothing." Said Vorsie.  Lightning screamed.

     "WHAT DO MEAN NOTHING?"

     "Well, you told me to tell you what was on the floor apart from sticks, fur cones and anything else on there.  So that must mean nothing."

     "Fine, fine.  Forget what I just said.  What are you standing on?" 

     "Nothing."

     "I said _forget_ what I just said, not _remember_ what I just said!"

     "Oh, soz Lightbulb, err, socks I think."

     "What?"

     "Well, technically, I'm standing on my socks.  You know the big fluffy pair that matches with the dressing g…"

     "Quite honestly Vorsie, I don't care. I told you not to bring those socks anyway, you already had enough."

     "But I like my pairs of socks to be even.  I only had 49 pairs and I wanted 50!"

     "Vorsie, I'm getting tired …"

     "Have a rest then."

     "Shut up!  Vorsie, what are your boots touching?" Vorsie looked at her boots.

     "Socks and … Snow!" A huge cheer came from the crowd.

     "Well done Vorsie. Now, snow hides the trapdoor, so we can't see it!"

     "I knew that! Was that all you were trying to tell me? How did we get onto this conversation anyway?" asked Vorsie.

     "Forget it," groaned Lightning. "Honestly, I don't know why I bother …"

     They carried on, but 30 mins later Vorsie started wandering off the path.  

     "Vorsie, come back!" shouted Legolas, chasing after her.  Suddenly the earth seemed to give way. Legolas fell through a gap in the soil.

     "Leggy!" yelled Vorsie, jumping in after him.

     "Hey, Vorsie found the trap door. Well at least she's useful for something!" said James. "We better go down to see if they're alright."

     "Someone has to look after the professor while we're gone," said Phoenix.

     "I will! I will!" said Rebs.

     "We need you," said Lara. 

     "I'll be fine," said Xavier. "You be careful." Lara nodded and both her and Lightning jumped down the hole, followed by everyone else.

* * *

     Soon after the X-Men had gone down, Powell found the trap door.  He smiled.  

     "Come on, lets go," and they silently slipped into the hole, weapons drawn and ready.

     As soon they were all in, they saw a long, dark tunnel.  Alex took the lead.  

     It wasn't that long before they came to a problem.  There were two ways to go.  Powell, who had researched the whole thing before coming told them to take the right.  Little did they know that the X-Men had chosen the other path, which was a quicker route to the temple, but much more dangerous.

* * *

     It was not very long until Lara found her way through the narrow passage.  But at the end there was a problem.  

     "The exit's blocked!" Lara said as they waited, huddled up to each other. "Stand back, I'm going to break it down."  Sure enough, after a couple of kicks, the door fell forwards, into a bright room.  The stone was gold-coloured and scattered around the place there were remainders of pillars and statues.  They had reached the temple.

*****************

Vorsie: Whoa! Talk about a short chapter. Oh well. R&R


	10. In the Temple

For disclaimers – see previous chapters. & A welcome to Valkyrie(A.K.A. Valkyrie4), yet another character we do/don't own, depending on which way you look at it :-p!

In the Temple

Lara walked down the passage, her gun out. Soon they came to a stone statue. Lightning walked up behind her.

"Don't know why they bother putting in these stupid stone monsters," Lightning said. "We only bash them up."

"Well they didn't know that, did they?" replied Lara. "But I don't understand why it's always stone that comes to life when you do something. Stone monkeys, dragons, aliens, people … you name it, they've done it."

"Donkeys?" asked Vorsie, trying to think up something that they hadn't seen. Lara nodded. "Elves, wizards, Lightnings, light bulbs?" Lara and Lightning nodded seriously. Vorsie obviously didn't know that they were winding her up.

"Laras, Vorsies, Leggys … hang on, you're lying, aren't you?" asked Vorsie. The other two fell about laughing. "Well, I don't think it's funny," said Vorsie. "I think it is very immature!"

Suddenly there was a noise behind Lara and Lightning. A huge stone man was walking towards them. Quickly Lightning drew her guns and loaded them. Soon the stone man lay in peaces on the floor.

"That wasn't very nice," said Rebs. "You should have seen what he wanted. Maybe he wanted to help us."

"Rebs, are you, by any chance, unaccustomed to Tomb Raiding?" said Legolas.

"Are you, Leggy?" asked Vorsie, standing up for her friend.

"No, but I am used to being attacked by orcs and the rest of that junk," said Legolas.

"Err, guys, can we stop fighting please," said Rogue quietly.

"Why?" asked Legolas.

"Because there about ten more stone men coming down the passage!" cried Rogue. After this, Vorsie, Legolas, Rebs, Nightcrawler, Iceman and Pyro screamed and ran to the back of the small crowd, shortly followed by Rogue.

"Come out you lot, you're grown people!" called Cyclops.

"No we're not!" said Nightcrawler.

"Are."

"Not."

Cyclops said nothing.

"Err, Cycke, you're supposed to say 'are'!" called Nightcrawler.

Cyclops said nothing.

"He's fallen out with me."

While Lara and co were shooting down all sorts of things coming down their side of the corridor, Powell's was fine. He marched straight down it without batting a care. That was until Val appeared.

"What are you doing here?" boomed a voice in the distance. Everyone looked at Alex.

"Err, we came to find the Jasmine Crystal," he replied.

"Oh, OK," came the answer. "Well, carry on then." Powell was confused by this.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Valkyrie."

"What are _you_ doing here Valkyrie?"

"Just, err, protecting this area from the evil ones," said Valkyrie.

"Evil ones?" asked Alex.

"Ya know, monsters and stuff."

"You are on the wrong side of the temple," said Wenny.

"Wha-? Oh, sorry for disturbing you, must be on me then."

The X-Men could see a light at the end of the tunnel.

"It must be to the start of the next level." Said Lara.

"What! You mean that there's more than one level!" said James.

"Should hope so. This Jasmine lady must have been pretty stupid if she defended her crystal with this!" said Lightning. They both laughed. Suddenly Legolas stopped.

"There is a fell voice in the air," he said.

"Saruman!" cried Vorsie.

"No! A different voice it sounds like a demon!"

"Sauron!" shouted Vorsie.

"No, it sounds half human. It must be a strong human, has a long lifespan like mutants. Maybe it is here to help us!" Everyone nodded.

"Wha-? Oh, sht, I'm still on the wrong side. I say, any of you chaps have a map?"

Everyone looked up. On a piece of wood sat a young man, his hair white like Lightning and Storm's, and it didn't move. It came to a point down at his waist. What terrified the more…cowardly members of the group was the number of blades he had on him.

"Oh, some of you are fair maidens, what about the chapesses then, do you have a map?" He looked down at them. "Well, do you have one? In case you didn't know, that was a yes/no answer. If yes, then could you please give it me, if no could you please tell me if you have run into any monsters here?" Lightning spoke for them all.

"No, we haven't got a map. But we have run into some stone men. They might be your monsters." She said.

"Ah, evil rocks, I knew it! Where may they be, pretty one?" Lightning took great offence at this and took out two short swords seemingly out of nowhere.

"Don't call me pretty one you great clown," she snarled.

"I am so sorry, you must forgive me for causing you offence," he said, jumping down. Unfortunately for him, Rebs had just eaten a banana. She had a habit of not throwing things in the bin. Valkyrie landed straight on top of the skin and fell flat on his face. He stood up and wiped himself down.

"Anyway what were you saying about the evil rocks, where are they pr-?" he decided against saying pretty one again, just in case.

"We killed them all," said Lara. Valkyrie's jaw dropped.

"You killed them? How? Please tell, tell," he said.

"Great, next he'll be saying 'very grateful shall be I'," murmured Vorsie.

"Very grateful shall be I," said Valkyrie. It was Vorsie's turn look surprised. So Lightning and Lara showed him their guns. He smiled and nodded like Yoga all the way through.

"Thank you. Good luck and may the force be with you!" Everyone looked to him then to each other then back to him.

"Must have been the drop," said Storm. Lightning nodded.

"Hey, how would you like to come with us?" asked Lightning.

"Wha-? I thought you didn't have a map,"

"We don't but we know where we're going," came the reply.

"Great. Two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!" he said in a Donkey accent. _"On the road again, I can't wait to get on the road again…"_ If anybody else was there, all they would have seen was a man, alone, shouting at the top of his voice.

"Wha-? Hey hold on, wait for me!"

Powell's group were nearly at the next level. They could see the light ahead, but they could also see something else.

"So, let's get this straight, we are taking him along because…?" Vorsie's voice echoed down the passage.

"He says he's a demon hunter. No matter how stupid he sounds, he still may be helpful. Besides, Rogue seems to be getting on very well with him!" Lightning said, but everyone (minus Vorsie) could hear the annoyance in her voice. Vorsie had kept on asking the same question for the past 5 minutes.

"I was hoping we might have been a bit quicker," murmured Powell to Alex.

"Why?"

"We could have made it ahead of this lot."

"Ah,"

Wenny was excited. "Oh!" she cried. "Are these our enemies?" Agent Smith sighed. He loved her, but sometimes she could be a tad annoying.

"Yes,"

"Goody! Can I meet them?"

"I err… don't think that is a very good idea." Said Magneto. "They might err… hurt you."

"Oh, can I at least look at them, then?" she asked.

"All you want Laithy," said Agent Smith. "Just don't annoy them."

Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere came a big roar. Lightning's sarcastic voice echoed once more down the passage.

"Oh, great. The big one now."

Powell's group ran forwards. All they saw was their enemies attacking a great, moving stone statue of a woman. All kinds of weapons flew at it, bullets, knives, flashes of energy and lightning bolts. The only people who weren't attacking were, like before, Vorsie, Legolas, Rebs, Nightcrawler, Iceman, Rogue and Pyro, who were hiding behind a column on the right hand side. They were the first people to see Powell.

"Hey, you lot! Help them, go on!" shouted Vorsie. "Haven't you ever fought a big statue thing? Must be hard. Why are you still standing there, go on!" Then the great monster fell, crashing into the cowards' column, and sending them running.

"Well, you were a great lot of help, weren't you." Said Lightning. "So much for, 'I'm coming to help on your mission, Lighty'. 'I'm going to get in the way of your mission' would have been more accurate." Lightning looked down on Vorserkeien, who was lying on the floor after a rather … dramatic dive out of the falling column's way. She stood up, brushed herself down and looked at Lightning with innocent eyes.

"Sorry Lighty," she said quietly. As soon as Lightning turned away to join the rest of her group, Vorsie uncrossed her fingers and cackled evilly. She looked around for Legolas over with the main group and hopped over to him. "That was fun!" she said. "But I think that I will have to get used to Tomb Raiding!"

Both groups were now in deep conversation.

"I suggest we both join together, then we can split up when need be," said Phoenix. Storm agreed and so did most of Powell's group. Lightning was not happy though.

"Are you saying that I shall have to be within a 5 meter radius of Alex West?" she asked. Phoenix nodded, "But you won't have to talk to him, in fact, you won't have to go near him at all."

Lightning finally agreed with a lot of persuading.

"Besides, it'll be fun," added Alex. There was a lot of coughing from Lara, who was really the only person who knew what they were like together. (Technically so did Vorsie, but as she never paid much attention to anything, she didn't really know.).

"Well, are we ready?" asked Val. They all nodded and started walking towards a bright green fire, Powell and Lara on opposite sides, and the same with Lightning and Alex. Then they were gone, onto the next level.

T.B.C…

Conversation written for very little purpose apart from to relieve both authors from boredom, while they both were suffering from very bad writers block:

Lighting: Hey, not true! _Vorsie _was suffering, not me!

Vorsie: Well I was having to correct all your errors. I didn't have any time left to think! By the way Lightbulb, it's orCs not orKs!

Lightning: Soz. Hang on, did you just call me Lightbulb?

Vorsie: gulp

Lightning: You little …

Vorsie: Eeeekkkk! Runs off _yet_ again Thinks, then stops suddenly Holds up a hand

Lightning: Crashes into her What?

Vorsie: We're supposed to be writing stuff here not trying to kill each other.

Lightning: Well, you started it.

Vorsie: No, you did by choosing to take offence!

Lightning: Ok that does it. Back to work NOW!

Vorsie: Yes, O great one.

Lightning: (In Lara Croft tone) Vorsie, don't start.

Vorsie: Understood, O magnificent one.

Lightning: Vo-

Vorsie: Say no more, O perfect queen.

Lightning: Wha-?

Vorsie: walks off Later, bossy boots.

Lightning: Well at least I can work in peace now.

VERY loud music starts playing

A while later…

Vorsie: Reading through the updated chapter Lighty, I'll tell you this very slowly in case you're struggling to understand what I'm saying. This computer has a _Spell Check_ installed. Kindly use it. If I have to change Rouge back to Rogue again I think I'll start permanently calling you _Lighting_.

Ok, so it was completely pointless but Vorsie's frustration over the typos was certainly true.

R&R


	11. The Whirlpool

Usual disclaimers – we don't own anything except the exceptions stated in earlier chapters.

The Whirlpool

When they emerged from the other side of the fire, they were amazed by what they saw. Water covered the ground area. There were, like before, two passages.

"Guess we'll be splitting up already," said Alex, and there was a considerable amount of relief in his voice.

"Oh, what a shame," muttered Lightning under her breath. Unfortunately for her, Val heard.

"What, you want us to stay together?" he said

"Shut up Val," she hissed.

Val looked insulted, "I was only asking."

"Asking about what?" Endlaithwen said only catching the end of the conversation, "Fit guys?"

"Wha-?" Val began but a glare from everyone else stopped him.

"Alex is right," Powell said, "We'll take the right one, you can take the other."

"Why can't we take the right?" asked Lightning suspiciously. Sadly it was too late. Vorsie, Legolas and Rebs had all started making their way down the right passage. "Fine, we'll take the right."

Powell smiled at his victory. "Good, see you 'round then," he said, quite chirpily.

Lightning sighed. She had wanted to call Vorsie back, but she was too far away. Lara was also slightly angry with her.

"Well," said Lara quietly. "Get ready." Lightning smiled.

"I think that we shouldn't have brought Vorsie, look at all the bad luck she has given us!"

"I told you that! You didn't believe me!" said Lara, watching Powell walking off into the distance.

"He sent us down the wrong passage, you must realize." Lara nodded.

"Come _on _you lot." It was Vorsie. After she had trotted off without the rest, she had realized that they weren't following her. Everyone ignored her.

"We should send someone after them, as a spy, almost." Suggested James.

"Fine, off you go then," said Phoenix.

"No, not James. We need someone who could get away quickly." Rebs offered to do this.

"NO, I think that Nightcrawler would be the best at it." Said Lightning. Like she had expected, he wasn't listening, occupying himself with James' watch for the 50th time.

"NIGHTCRAWLER!" shouted Lightning to get his attention. He leapt up about 10ft in to the air, fell back down and dropped James' watch on the floor, which promptly blew up as Nightcrawler had triggered the explode mechanism.

"Well, there goes that one," said James with a sigh.

"Nightcrawler, we would like you to go an errand for us," said Lara.

"Oh, great, here it comes," muttered Nightcrawler.

"We want you to go and spy on Powell and his group."

"Why send me? Send Bond, he's an MI6 agent," argued Nightcrawler.

"We need someone who can get away within the blink of an eye," said Lightning.

"Erm, Storm?" Asked Nightcrawler hopefully.

"I'm not in the mood Nighty," said Lightning.

"Okay, okay, I get the picture." He said, walking off sulkily.

"Good, we've got rid of one nuisance," said Lara.

"Mmm, but look at how many we've still got left!" pointed out Lightning.

"Who?" asked Vorsie. Lightning didn't answer, instead she started making her way down the other tunnel, keeping to the areas where the water was shallowest. The others followed, keeping to the path she chose. At the end of the tunnel, they turned left, and walked on. The next turn was also a left, then another left, and another left, and another, and another, and another…

Eventually Vorsie spoke out. "I think we're walking round in circles."

"No, we're not," replied Lara. "If you had used your eyes properly, you should be able to see that each time we turn, the path gets shorter."

"So we walk round for ages, only to find that we've reached a dead end," said Vorsie. "Why didn't we go with Powell instead of wandering off into this one?"

"Because _you_ wandered off in this direction before anyone could stop you, so we had to go this way so that you didn't get yourself into trouble." They walked on for another half hour before Vorsie spoke again.

"Lighty, I've lost my twin daggers." The entire company groaned. They all knew that Vorsie would not go anywhere unless they were found.

"Okay, lets start searching the floor," Lightning sighed. Slowly the group started searching the ground. Suddenly Rebs felt something on the floor, a door handle. She pulled it, and disappeared through the hole that suddenly appeared. The group stared at the place where she had been. Legolas lent down and felt the floor, but there was nothing there.

"Nothing there," he said. "I think we've lost Rebs!" Suddenly Vorsie appeared.

"Found them!" she giggled. "They were in my rucksack! I forgot I put them in there!" She looked around. "Hey, where's Rebs?" The others pointed at the floor. "Ah, oh well, we'll catch up with her later!"

Lara nodded. "She's right. Rebs probably just dropped into a different level. Lets go."

About 2 hours later 

About 2 hours later, the group reached a dead end.

"Told you!" sang Vorsie, waving her twin daggers around carelessly, accidentally loping off one of Val's long strands of hair.

"Vorsie!" cried Val exasperated, and leapt onto her, charging her into the wall. Vorsie retaliated by nearly drowning him underwater. The two continued to squabble while anyone who was sensible tried to figure out how to get onto the next level. Correction, Lightning and Lara were trying to figure out how to get onto the next level, ignoring everyone else around them who were either watching the fight or were participating in the fight.

"We should have found out how Rebs got through that trap door," Lightning said quietly.

"Yup, but it would have taken Vorsie too long telling her what to do," added Lara.

"Maybe we should search for a trap door here," added James for the third time.

"No. Shut up." Came the simultaneous answer. James pretty soon gave up, and looked at the two squabbling people on the floor.

"I think it's a lever," said Lightning. "I mean, look around us, there are plenty of nooks for them to be in."

"Yeah, your right, but it will take us ages for us to find the right one."

"Erm…guys?" said Cyclops.

"Not now Cyki, we're trying to figure it out." Came Lara's reply.

"Yes, but…"

"Yes but what?" Lightning spun around, only to see what he was talking at. There, in the middle of the floor, the water was disappearing down a giant hole, in much the same way that water goes down a plughole. Beside it was a bent lever. It seemed that Vorsie and Val weren't so useless after all.

The erm… remainder of the group (which consisted of Lara, Lightning and Cyclops, the rest having fallen in when Vorsie rolled over the lever) climbed slowly into the hole in the ground.

_1 1/2 hours ago_

Powell's group reached the end of their short walk. It was a dead end. Powell looked sharply at Alex.

"Well Mr West, you're the Tomb Raider, you figure this out."

Worriedly, like a schoolboy who had done something wrong, Alex looked up from the map.

"Shit," he stuttered nervously.

"Shit what?" queried Powell.

"We took the wrong path."

TBC…

R&R

A/N (Vorsie): In order to completely get the joke about Vorsie cutting off Val's hair, you'll have to read the joint fic (Harry Potter & the Aurora Sphere (sci-fi/action/humour)) by Vorserkeien & Valkyrie4, in which the same happens to Elentari but caused by Silver-Raven.


	12. AC outtakes and random convos

Disclaimers/Exceptions: See previous chapters.

**A.C. Outtakes & Random Conversations**

**Lightning**: Hello, the Danny Inn…Excuse me, can you repeat that please? …Sorry? Excuse me for a moment. _Covers mouthpiece._ SHUT UP!

_Strange sounds continue to float downstairs_.

**Lightning:** Vorsie! I'm on the phone. SHUT UP!

_More sounds._

**Lightning: **VORSIE!

_Volume increases._

**Lightning: **_breaks down._

**Director: **CUT!

* * *

_Phone rings for the 1000th time that day,_

**Lightning:** Hello, the Danny Inn. _Slams phone down._

**Lara: **_enters_ What was that about?

**Lightning:** Double-glazing.

* * *

**Lightning: **_piles 2 pieces of toast, 1 big spoon of baked beans, scrambled egg and a small box of corn flakes onto her plate, & sits down to a well-deserved breakfast. Whoopee cushion noise heard._ VORSERKEIEN!

* * *

**Lightning:** _walks into kitchen to find chef lying dead on the floor with a knife in his heart._

**Jinx: **I think I broke his heart.

**Lightning: **_Turns around._

**Jinx: **Well, looks like we're going down together!

**Lightning: **_cracks up._

**Director: **JINX, GET BACK TO YOUR OWN SET! AND SOMEONE FIND ME A NEW CHEF!

* * *

(In the temple): Conversation, which happened half way though, this chapter while both authors were suffering from very bad writers block. 

Lighting: Hey, not true! _Vorsie _was suffering, not me!

Vorsie: Well I was having to correct all your errors. I didn't have any time left to think! By the way Lightbulb, it's orCs not orKs!

Lightning: Soz. Hang on, did you just call me Lightbulb?

Vorsie: _gulp._

Lightning: You little …

Vorsie: Eeeekkkk! _Runs off yet again. Thinks, then stops suddenly. Holds up a hand._

Lightning: _Crashes into her,_ What?

Vorsie: We're supposed to be writing stuff here not trying to kill each other.

Lightning: Well, you started it.

Vorsie: No, you did by choosing to take offence!

Lightning: Ok that does it. Back to work NOW!

Vorsie: Yes, O great one.

Lightning: (In Lara Croft tone) Vorsie, don't start.

Vorsie: Understood, O magnificent one.

Lightning: Vo-

Vorsie: Say no more, O perfect queen.

Lightning: Wha-?

Vorsie: _walks off,_ Later, bossy boots.

Lightning: Well at least I can work in peace now.

_VERY loud music starts playing._

A while later…

Vorsie: _Reading through the updated chapter._ Lighty, I'll tell you this very slowly in case you're struggling to understand what I'm saying. This computer has a _Spell Check_ installed. Kindly use it. If I have to change Rouge back to Rogue again I think I'll start permanently calling you _Lighting_.

Ok so maybe it didn't quite go like that but Vorsie's frustration over the typos was certainly true.

Now, back to the outtakes

* * *

**Alex: **Hi. Do you know where room 201 is…err, please? 

**Lightning:** Are you Mr. North?

**Alex:** Yup.

**Lightning: **This is England, not America, it is YES not YUP.

**Alex: **Fine … YU…err YES. Do I know you?

**Lightning:** I think the question is do I know you? Are you really Mr. North or are you Alex West, a tomb raider and you are here with 80 troops and Mr. Powell?

**Alex:** How on EARTH did you know that?

**Lightning:** I'm Mystic Meg.

**Alex: **What? That's not in the script! _Hurries off to look in script book._ You stupid person! You got it wrong its supposed to be…_Lightning walks off in boredom._

**Lightning: **Someone get that man a brain.

* * *

Take 2:

**Alex: **Hi. Do you know where room 201 is…err, please?

**Lightning:** Are you Mr. North?

**Alex:** Yup.

**Lightning: **This is England, not America, it is YES not YUP

**Alex: **Fine … YU…err YES. Do I know you?

**Lightning:** I think the question is do I know you? Are you really Mr. North or are you Alex West, an idiot and you are here with 80 guys who can't shoot and Mr. Powell?

**Alex:** Huh?

**Lightning: **Forget it.

**D: **Cut. _To self_ Coffee break in 2h30mins45secs. 2h30mins41seconds.

* * *

Take 3:

**Alex: **Hi. Do you know where room 201 is…err, please?

**Lightning:** Well… first go down that passage there, then turn right, take the second left, then the third right, the next left, the twenty ninth right, and your room is the 201st on the left.

**Alex: **Gee, erm… thanks. _Starts walking off in Lightning's directions_. First on the left, 26th on the right, no that's not right…

**D:** Lightning! Just because he doesn't have a brain doesn't mean you have to make fun of him. Cut!

* * *

Take 4:

**Alex: **Hi. Do you know where room 201 is…err, please?

**Lightning:** Are you Mr. North?

**Alex:** Yes.

**Lightning: **This is England, not America, it is YUP not YES. Wait, no it's not! Dammit!

**D: **Cut!

* * *

_10:00 on a busy Monday. Lightning goes over to the checklist._

**Lightning:** Let me see, done, done, done, done, done…_loud crash from upstairs. 3 entire cleaning trolleys come flying down the stairs, breaking pictures, banisters, coke machines, furniture etc._

**Vorsie: **_pokes head round the door_ Err, sorry Lightbulb, fell over the vacuum cleaner.

**Lightning: **_cracks up._

**D:** Okay, cut. Someone fetch me new paintings, banisters, coke machines, furniture and a telephone. Oh, and check that no vacuum gets near Vorsie. I'd hate to think what she's done to it!

* * *

**Lightning:** Yes, yes Vorsie, I am sure it was. But please shut up. You have been going on about it for the last half an hour. We have more important things to do. James, you mustn't be so light about the issue. It is dangerous. I mean I know that you know that, but don't …_loud bang and entire hotel blows up._

**D: **Okay, who switched the TV switcher to the detonator for the bombs in the basement?

* * *

Take 2:

**Lightning:** Yes, yes Vorsie, I am sure it was. But please shut up. You have been going on about it for the last half an hour. We have more important things to do. James, you mustn't be so light about the issue. It is dangerous. I mean I know that you know that, but don't …_Vorsie presses remote control, but nothing happens. She presses it again, nothing happens._

**Vorsie: **I think someone's fixed the TV.

**D: **Greeeaaaat, my crew are as bad as my cast. Is there a broken TV anywhere on site?

* * *

Star Wars scene:

**Vorsie: **Shut up, she'll hear us! Come on, give us the video!_puts video into slot, and presses play. Nothing happens_. Shit, the video's broken.

* * *

Star Wars scene II:

**Legolas: **Finally, a place with a good TV. Yippee! _Jumps onto bed. Bed collapses with the floor and falls. Crashing down below can be heard. About 20 seconds later, a large crash can be heard._

_**Legolas**: Only just audible._ Ouch.

**Director:** _Sigh._ Okay, find me a new hotel.

* * *

Apologies for the formatting. The usual insanity resumes in the next chapter ;-)! 


	13. Treasure Chamber

Disclaimers/Exceptions: See previous chapters

**Treasure Chamber**

****

Lightning, Lara and Cyclops were pleased to find that when they reached the bottom of the hole, it was a soft landing, despite Vorserkeien's quiet groaning somewhere in the pitch black under their feet …

"Err … I think we might need a light," said James quietly. There was then silence for about two minutes, as everyone tried to figure out how and where they could get light from. Then of course, Lara came up with the most ingenious plan that no one could have ever thought of:

"I know, I'll use a flare!"

Everyone groaned (especially Vorsie, but that might have been something to do with that she was lying face down in the dirt, with at least two heavy objects on top of her).

"Well done, Lara," came Lightning's sarcastic voice out of the darkness. "We've been waiting for you to light one for the past two minutes and twenty-six seconds, from when I started saying the twenty in the twenty-si …"

"Okay, okay, I get the idea," answered Lara, sounding very cross. She took her bottomless backpack off her shoulders, and put it down where she was sitting. The floor made a groan beneath her. "I think we should move off as quickly as possible," she said. "The floor doesn't seem too stable."

Lara found a pack of flares in her bag, and lighted one. Compared to the darkness before, the room lit up with a flash of gold and silver. Lara immediately spotted a flame holder, and threw the flare into it. The room lit up fully, showing a narrow path surrounded by huge stacks of gold coins, glimmering jewels and silver plates (neither Lara nor Lightning can figure out why the silver does not become oxidised to form silver oxide after thousands of years). At the end of the path, a small, modest door stood closed, with a small slot next to it, which looked like a coin slot.

"Well, lets start searching for that coin it looks like we need to get through the door," sighed Lightning. She turned around to see a rather dirty and dishevelled Vorsie get up off the floor.

"Honestly Vorsie, what have you been doing! Stop messing around and look for that coin!"

* * *

"Are we there yet, Mr. West?" Asked a very angry Powell. Alex, now very wet after discovering that some areas of water were deeper than others, turned around, and nodded.

"Someone has already opened one of the trap doors, look." Alex pointed downwards, towards the trap door, which Rebs fell through.

"Good, lets go," replied Powell quickly. Alex shook his head.

"No, the map reads that we should go on another five meters before opening a trap door with the lever on our left."

"Well, if you recall, Mr. West, your _map_ said that we should take the right path, not the left!" Shouted Powell angrily.

"Fine, take that route, but I'm going up ahead. I need to reach that crystal before Lightning does." Replied Alex before walking on ahead. This time he was right.

Because he knew what he was looking for, it was easy for Alex to find the lever on the wall. He pushed it, to see the trap door opening easily. However, the trap door was slightly bigger than he expected, and opened slightly quicker as well …

Soon all of the men were falling very quickly down a very long way …

* * *

Lightning, Lara and their group only saw a flash of colour and screams as their enemies fell through the trap door, and through another one below. However they did hear Powell's voice screaming to Alex, before the lower trap door closed again.

"We missed them!"

"Too late, we'll climb back up when we reach the bottom!"

"_If_ we reach the bottom!"

Lightning sighed, "Well, lets get looking for this coin, as by the look of the rate that this water is flowing down, we have roughly 2 minutes before the passage is filled with water."

"What does it look like?" said a very wet Nightcrawler, who had been dragged down with Powell's group.

"Oh, great, he's back," muttered James. Lightning sighed before telling Nightcrawler.

"Like all the others, but different somehow."

"Huh, how does that work?"

"It's all the translation on that door gives us," sighed Lara. "Well, lets get going now."

Meanwhile, Vorsie and Legolas were sitting in a large mound of gold.

"We're gonna be rich, Leggy, look at all of this gold!" squealed Vorsie. "I've never seen so much in my life!"

"Yeah, and you're going to die rich too if you don't get moving now," said Lightning. "And believe me, you'll die pretty soon …"

Yet Vorserkeien ignored her, so Lightning went back to work, shuffling through a large pile of treasure next to her.

Vorserkeien was also admiring her gold, when, underneath some gold coins, she found something to her disgust.

"Ergh … why did they put this silver coin into the pile?" she asked, tossing the coin into the water. Suddenly Lara looked up.

"Did you say, silver coin?" she asked. Vorsie didn't even have time to answer. Lara pounced upon the coin before it went under the water.

"Of course," said Lightning. "The same pattern, but a different element! Quick into the slot!" Lara paddled as fast as she could to the coin slot. The water was now up to their necks. Lara just managed to push the coin in.

It all happened very quickly. Firstly the trap door above them closed, then the door opened, flushing them all down some steps. Just on their way down, however, they saw a sign appear above the coin slot.

_Thank you for using this coin slot. We are sorry no change can be given_.

T.B.C….

A/N: Apologies again about formatting - not our fault. It gets screwed up when it's uploaded to the document manager!


End file.
